And now we wait. It's been 4 days since Jasmine had her MRI and it's 3 days until we go back to oncology and get the results. This is the hard part. We've never had to wait this long before. We usually get to see Jasmine's oncologist on the day of the MRI, but that wasn't to be this time. I thought I would be losing my mind, and earlier last week I was losing my mind. I was fretful and anxious and the world felt all wrong. Gearing up for an MRI stirs up the worst of memories for me.
I spent an evening with a friend and she prayed over me and has continued to pray for me and for Jasmine this week. She texted me on the weekend, just checking in to see how I was doing and I told her OK, and that I was keeping myself busy and occupied. And that great friend responded and her response made me smile in such a heartfelt way. She said, "But hun..... didn't God tell u to "be still?"
And it comes like a steady heartbeat. The smile starts at my lips but winds it way right through my soul. Because instead of spiralling in to panic and pain, heartache and heartbreak, living and re-living all the scary memories and the what ifs, that this kind of waiting creates. Instead of all that, I'm sitting content and smiling, because yes I can be keeping busy, but I can be so very still. Still in the mind, heart and soul, so I'm not on such a crazed treadmill of worry. Still in His presence and in His peace. Heart beating, patiently waiting, and following His direction to just be still, and know He is God.