Voice

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Voice

What if the voice you hear speaks ugly?  What if all that voice is telling you is the bad stuff and all I crave is some silence and just to shut it off?

All of those thoughts and whispers and right out there shouts, I want to take captive and claw back and as I exhale there's just the smallest whisper of "Lord - give me peace."

And I wait, and I wait and I wait and the FEAR lurks big and dark keeps chattering.   Because sometimes my fear is bigger than my faith and no amount of pleading for peace shuts off that voice.

Sometimes.

I felt fearful when the brain surgeon told me that there was a possibility that she'd come out of this surgery mute.  He'd just told me that she had a tumour, that we wouldn't know if it was cancer until pathology came in, that there was a risk of physical disability, swallowing and breathing problems.  When he said she might be mute, it was the biggest thing he'd said to me in amongst all of that.  All I thought for the next 8 hours whilst she was in surgery and unconscious was I may never hear my 5 year old daughter say "mama" again.

I don't want the silence.  For sure, take captive the thought and pray through the fear for the peace, but not the silence.  For the silence, brings isolation and desperation.  Lack of communication brings lack of understanding and brokenness follows.  Trust the truth and hear the words.  That voice.  A voice that brings life, brings hope.  Let the words all tumble forth and sing forward for a stronger and deeper love.