Gift

Today we're writing with Lisa-Jo over the The Gypsy Mama for Five Minute Friday

Gift

How do I look at my daughter's newly diagnosed brain tumour as a gift?  How do I hear the word cancer and attach that to a 5 year old precious girl?  How is that a gift?

Quite simply, I'm coming to understand that these gifts to us don't always come in a pretty box tied in ribbons, or in the shape or form we ask for.  But maybe it is all an answer to prayers as our whole experience is wrapped in faith, hope and love.

It is a gift that the whole tumour was removed when the surgeon thought he would only be able to get two thirds of it.  It is a gift how we have been cared for through this whole experience by the staff at the hospital.  It is a gift the way my friends and community rallied behind us instantly when my blood family were on distant shores.  My daughter is recovering from brain surgery without any of the horrific side effects that the surgeon had said may come - she is walking, she is breathing without difficulties, swallowing without difficulties and she is not mute after this surgery.  I wondered if I would hear my little girl speak again and whether there would be any structure to her sentences, and she sings and plays and speaks every day.  Every day with her in our family is a gift, an extra day, a blessing that we didn't think we would have.

The journey now takes us out of our country to travel to Boston, Massachusetts as she needs specialist proton therapy that doesn't exist in Canada.  We  don't have the financial ability to do this.  Yet it is a gift that proton therapy exists and that we minimize the risk of paralysis to her beautiful body by administering radiation this way.  There are blessings beyond anything we could imagine.

This community we live in, our friends, family, church, school, workplaces and even those we don't know are a gift to us from God as with superhuman efforts they have pulled together to help with our fundraising to get us there for the 2 months we'll be there, and help pay for medical costs there.  The speed at which everything fell in to place is a gift - even the hospital staff are marvelling at how quickly its all happening.  It is a gift that the miracle is unfolding for us - and I will trust in that voice and keep right on believing and choosing faith with gratitude for the gifts.

Brave

Writing for 5 minutes unedited this week over at www.thegypsymama.com with Lisa-Jo.

This weeks word is Brave


I want to run.  I want to run and hide and not be where I am.  I am not brave.  I am not strong, and I am not courageous.  One week ago my darling daughter was lying in pain recovering from emergency surgery to remove a brain tumour that threatened her young, fragile and precious life.  "be brave" and "stay strong" and "you're doing really well" people said.  I am not brave and didn't know how to stay strong and I'm sure I wasn't doing really well.
My daughter is brave.  She is strong.  She has courage.  And she IS doing really well!
And we are home from our ordeal recovering from this surgery by God's good grace.
To be brave is to trust.  It is to recognise that forces work beyond our power.  It is to know that life is a gift and that it is fragile and can end at any moment.  To be brave is to be ready to release my child and to know that really she belongs to God and I was merely blessed to have her for however long that may be.  To be brave is to feel strength in my weakness, to somehow trust that the voice that whispers will care for my life, for her life, and to keep on turning to that.
My brave came waiting to feel peace when wretched and empty was all there was.  But it comes.  He whispers to trust in Him, rest in Him, that she is precious to Him, that I am precious to Him, that we are his daughters, that He loves us.  Trust him, trust him, trust him and watch the miracle unfold.

Empty

Joining Lisa-Jo for 5 minute Friday this week.  I'm sharing this from Children's Hospital in Vancouver BC.  

Empty

Empty was my heart on Sunday at midnight.  I was sitting in Children's Emergency Room with a daughter who went from skipping in to a friend's birthday on Sunday morning to being critically ill by midnight.  Empty was my heart that bled for the precious daughter diagnosed with a brain tumour.  Empty was my body of water as I cried a river.  How can this be?  How can a good God let this be?  Yet empty couldn't come soon enough for the brain surgery she needed.  I wanted an empty space where that tumour had taken place, alien to her body and need.

Empty soul and broken heart can be turned to something good.  Empty became full as my mind filled with voices with words of comfort.    And strength did rise and when I couldn't do it, my amazing family, friends, community rose up for me.  I knew that God had my 5 year old girl and finally as she rested in ICU after 36 hours of gruelling empty,  He turns it to good and tells me to trust Him, rest in Him, that I am precious, that she is precious and watch the miracle unfold.  I am full - her tumour excised completely - head empty in the best way.

We still don't know if the tumour is benign or malignant but I am full and have peace this evening and I humbly ask that you pray for my precious Jasmine Isabelle this day. x