Thursday, 1 May 2014

Grace for my Mess

Linking up for another 5-minute Friday with Lisa-Jo Baker.  Join us!

Five minutes writing unedited and this week's prompt - Mess

It's a mess.  It's all a mess.  Two years ago a tornado swept through my life, my heart, my soul, my very being and I was shaken and bruised and battered and felt like I scarcely lived to tell the tale.  It's name was childhood cancer.  And my daughter carries the 5 inch scar on the delicate skin of her beautiful neck and now hidden beneath her hair.  And that event creates changes and wreaks havoc and leaves a mess.
We were given lots of information, we were given numbers for support groups, we were talked through the mechanics of surgery, of pathology reports and treatments.  What we were never told, and what I didn't expect was the chaos and mess of a life turned completely upside down.  This childhood cancer gig messes with your head, your heart, your home, your marriage,  your relationships, your friendships, your finances, your emotions, your soul, your faith and yes, it gets messy.  We've endured the mess, been in survival mode, been broken, been broken apart, then been broken together and been in a messy season of grief.
Now my home is still a mess, physically, and I have stuff that needs dealing with from two years ago, my heart is a mess and has stuff that needs dealing with from two years ago.    My family is messily carrying on together, doing the best we can on any given day.  And I pray daily for grace for my mess, for strength to keep on keeping on, and for the belief and trust that the storm has passed.  That the mess can be sorted out, that there's always, always someone willing to get in the mess with me and help, there's always a word of encouragement, a victory cry of another child a step closer to cure and always, always God, waiting patiently for me to find rest in Him and then set me on the path to clarity, cure and the calm that always follows after the storm.

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